Sunday, March 20, 2011

TOP 9: Mariners slogans for 2011

What pirate shirt today Angie?
As many of you know, the Mariners theme for 2010 was “Believe big”. This “believe big” concept failed for the Mariners in 2010, along with most everything else. I thought it was time the Mariners really started being honest with their slogans, which is where I come in. I decided to come up with some slogans for 2011, just to help out the Mariners front office.

9. Your kids will love it here

Because your 3-year old kid who is pigging out on fries really cares about Chone Figgins grounding out.

8. "We got rid of Jose Lopez for you"

No need to fret kids, Safeco Field security finally caught him.

You don't have to worry about your rally fries getting stolen between innings anymore. Problem solved.
To Continue...

7. "We for surely win 20% of the time."

Felix pitches every fifth day. That should be enough for you.

6. "We have Hydroplanes".

Because that's what the kids come to the park for. Not to watch Milton Bradley strike out, heck no, they come to watch that evil yellow hydroplane steal the win from the innocent green hydroplane while riding on the back of an orca whale.

That's what the kids are into these days. Believe it.

5. "Believe Small"

Because if you believe small, your expectations will be lower.

4. “The hitting can’t get any worse”

Because it can’t. No really, we were last in every single offensive category last year.

3. "Our sushi did not give Franklin Gutierrez food poisoning."

I've always wondered what Safeco Field sushi (or to be specific, their "Ichirolls") tastes like, but I'm not going to find out anytime soon...

2. “Witness history”

What history you ask? Well, the possible third 101 loss season in four years!

Come down to Safeco and be part of something bigger than yourself.

1. "We're not going to be on FSN anymore"

Actually, FSN is just switching its name to ROOT sports.

So don't worry, you can still tune in every day to see which pirate shirt Angie Mentick has on, Bill Kruger's "Three Keys to the game" (Usually consisting of having to pitch well, hit well, and field well), and Mike Blowers putting "young" in front of every players' name if they're under the age of 31.

We can only dream.

Reach Nathan Parsons at